Advice for my 20-year-old self

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By Liz, enjoying every minute of summer on the beach!

You couldn’t pay me enough to go back to age 20.

There’s something to be said for gaining at least some wisdom as you go. And as I’ve gotten older, I’ve stopped caring so much what other people think.

But that said, if I could sit down with my 20-year-old self right on the cusp of one of the biggest decisions she’d ever make, here’s what I would tell her. 

  1. There is no such thing as perfection.
  2. No one knows what the hell they’re doing. Everyone’s just figuring it out.
  3. You are not inferior to anyone. 
  4. Treat yourself like the most important person in the world – because you are.
  5. That thing you want to do so badly you can taste it? That’s what you’re meant to do, regardless of what anyone tells you. 
  6. You are not in control of anything.
  7. Question everything. 
  8. Don’t let anyone else’s path become your path. YOU are the creator of your universe.
  9. You know more than you think you do.
  10. Just do the thing you want to do. Imperfectly, with enthusiasm and repeatedly. 
  11. Don’t waste so much damn time worrying. There’s probably nothing you can do anyway. (See #6.)
  12. You are perfect exactly as you are. Also, see #1. 
  13. Your individuality is not something to hide – it’s something to shout from the rooftops.
  14. Never dim your light to make someone else feel better.
  15. Take up space. You deserve it.
  16. You are worthy.
  17. Use your voice. Speak up. Do it loudly. 
  18. Be kind, but have boundaries.
  19. Spend a lot of time figuring out what YOU like/want/don’t want. Then act accordingly.
  20. You are the only person who can tell your story. 

Readers, what advice would you give your 20-year-old self?

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Published by Cate Conte / Liz Mugavero

Cate Conte writes the Cat Cafe Mysteries and the Full Moon Mysteries. As Liz Mugavero, she writes the Pawsitively Organic Mysteries, the first of which was an Agatha Award nominee for Best First Novel. She lives in the Boston area with her rescue pals.

32 Thoughts

  3. I wish my parents, teachers and early bosses had not pushed me to be a perfectionist at both work and school. If I got an “A” grade, my father would ask why I did not get an “A+”. GRRRR. So much pressure & wasted effort to try and achieve a futile goal!

    I switched to the adage of “Seek excellence, not perfection” in my late 30s and became a much happier person!

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      2. I am not yet twenty years old, but dear author, these are effective when others do not constantly instill in you that you are inadequate

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  4. Agree totally! I would add to “You are worthy” by saying are worth being loved by being yourself. Don’t change yourself in order for someone to love you because play acting will get old read fast to only find your knight in shining armor looks more like a chump in a rusty suit.

    I might also add – Go see those places you dream about while you are young enough to do the hiking to the best off the path places. Getting out of your little piece of the world and experiencing other places will have you having a better respect for both our country, but also the wide array of people in it.
    2clowns at arkansas dot net

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  7. Some of those were lessons I did learn in my college years. Thinking now of the patient geology prof. who explained to me that no, I didn’t NEED to earn an A in every class. <3.
    Lighten up a bit, have a bit more fun . . . and not get discouraged. We will make progress.
    Hmm, a good message for myself now as well.

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  8. Break away from expectations placed on you, by family, friends, the community. It’s okay to be different and in that awareness lies the path to finding out who you are and what will make you happy.

    Yeah, I was utterly lost at age 20.

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  10. It’s okay if you don’t have a boyfriend! Don’t focus on getting married. Develop your career and your spiritual life. Don’t listen to other people who are trying to upset you or your life. Especially do not listen to boys/men who tell you there is something wrong with you because you don’t want sex! (At least not yet!)

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  11. Just like the tortoise and the hare fable, persistence is a winning strategy!

    Lifelong learning and adaptability will bring you success in this rapidly changing world!

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  12. Change majors! Don’t become an accountant. (Why yes, month end close is going poorly today. Why do you ask?)

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  14. Anyone you want as a friend doesn’t care what clothes you wear, how you wear your hair, if you have makeup on, or any other superficial thing. And, no, everyone isn’t looking at you. Most people really don’t care about anyone but themselves.

    Don’t fret if someone laughs at you. It may be the only time they laugh all day. And you just made someone happy. Good for you.

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